I am watching The Voice with my mom (yeah just go ahead and judge me now) and this genderqueer dreamboat pops up ON NATIONAL TV. De’borah, ily.
SAME
No Lack of Loquaciousness
NSFW. General love of the adorable, the nerdy, the sexy, and smashing the kyriarchy. pronouns are they/their/them. twitter is Sextopus 19, Queer. white. femme. Chaotic Good{ wear }
(tw rape, abuse) Rape and abuse between women in relationships.
The topic frankly isn’t talked about as often as it should. We’re all quick to point to men as being the dangerous ones so we forget that women in relationships with men aren’t the only ones who risk abuse by their partners. (We also tend to forget that men can also be abused by their partners as well, and not just by other men.)
From one study that was conducted with mostly white, middle-class lesbians who are sufficiently open about their sexual orientation to have met researchers seeking participants in the lesbian community concluded:
- About 17-45% of lesbians report having been the victim of a least one act of physical violence perpetrated by a lesbian partner.
- Psychological abuse has been reported as occurring at least one time by 24% to 90% of lesbians.
- Sexual abuse by a woman partner has been reported by up to 50% of lesbians.
Sexual Abuse
Curve Magazine came out with an article in 2010 stating that “it’s estimated that one in three lesbians have been sexually assaulted by another woman”.
The American Academy for Film and Gender Studies also created a documentary on the subject.
Even in the L Word they showed the darker side of the lesbian community, and yet I have yet to hear it be discussed in anything other than a few articles. [Warning: spoilers.]
Rape in the lesbian community is so hush hush and unspoken that you rarely hear it talked about. When doing a google search on “rape in the lesbian community” you’re far more likely to find information on corrective rape or rape as a hate crime… but beyond that you may have to dig a little to find the dirty little secret.
One study conducted on 70 women came to the conclusion that:
showed how little attention was paid to the possibility of being raped by a woman. Lesbians were caught off guard by sexual assault committed by another woman. Afterward many felt that it couldn’t have been rape, under the preconception that rape only involves a penis entering an orifice. Once they began to believe it happened, and reach out, there was little information available and practically no services equipped to deal with the issue.
Some myths that the lesbian/feminist community seem to hold onto that contribute to women being caught off guard to being raped by other women consist of:
- Lesbian relationships are always mutual and nonviolent.
- Most lesbians hold common feminist belief systems and therefore do not rape.
- Bringing awareness of the problem will cause image problems for an already stigmatized group.
- It’s impossible for a woman to rape another woman.
- It’s only sexual assault, not rape.
- 9 out of 10 rapes are committed by men.
- If it does happen, it’s such a tiny number that it doesn’t matter.
- That same-sex rape only happens to men.
The act of repeating the 9 out of 10 rapes are committed by men myth alienates same-sex survivors who are women. It makes them less likely to come out about their rape and doubt whether it actually was rape.
We as a community need to make sure that services are available for survivors of women on women rape, and need to stop teaching that men are the only ones that women need to watch out for in terms of rape. Men are raped by women, and they’re also raped by men. We need to acknowledge and swallow the hard truth that rape is a part of the darkness that humanity holds, and that we are all capable of raping. Everyone runs a risk of being raped, not just women who date men.
Domestic Abuse
Thankfully there’s more awareness in terms of domestic abuse within lesbian relationships, it’s still not talked about or addressed as often as it should though. There’s still the myth though that lesbians don’t experience domestic abuse. Domestic violence can come in multiple forms:
- Physical violence: hitting, punching, kicking, biting etc.
- Emotional abuse: constantly putting down, humiliating, embarrassing, frightening, threatening. etc.
- Isolating: Controlling contact with others, restricting freedom.
- Financial control: Fostering dependency, controlling money, property rights.
- “Outing” – threatening to “out” you.
- It is easy to assume that the more masculine one in the relationship will be the abuser, that’s not necessarily true.
- A lesbian relationship can be just as physically violent as a male/female partnering can be.
- Hotline and domestic violence shelter staff can often unwittingly ostracize lesbians by automatically using “he” when referring to the batterer and not providing literature that includes information for battered lesbians.
- Lesbians who have been abused have much more difficulty finding appropriate support than straight women
- Authorities often lack the knowledge of how to handle domestic violence cases involving people of the same gender. An officer may mistake two males living together for roommates, for example. And officers may fail to report an incident of domestic violence since the two parties involved may be unwilling to divulge their relationship status. In some cases the victim will be detained instead of the aggressor because the latter was physically smaller.
- Same-sex partners lack the resources needed to help them get out of abusive relationships. While domestic violence shelters appear to be increasingly responsive to the needs of lesbian victims, gay male victims are rarely admitted. Services for gay men are practically nonexistent.
(link)
How to Get Help
Domestic abuse (contains links and information).
Contact your local domestic violence program of Gay/Lesbian community Center. In NYC contact the Gay and Lesbian Anti Violence Project Hotline 212-807-0197
Women-on-women rape (Contains links and more information.)
(For women in England and Wales)
Granted I’m not a woman, but I used to live as one and I was in an abusive relationship with a girl when I was 13-14. There were no resources, nobody believed me and even though I was having non-consensual sex, I had no idea where to turn. This stuff is SO important and I hope this sort of post helps somebody. I really don’t feel it’s talked about enough at all.
Other resources of note (for those in UK):
http://www.brokenrainbow.org.uk/
Our queer fake wedding was our excuse to dress up and make everyone we know gather in a room to fawn over us and our love. Our gorgeous friends decorated our porch; my drag mother officiated, and we had a pink zebra print cake with gold fondant bands. We saved up for two years to throw this sparkly party, and it went perfectly. We even had a costume change so we could dance the night away!
Our statements to/for each other are included below.
When we were first dating, when it got cold that first year, you got out of the car and gave your favorite hoodie to a stranger who was cold. I love you for that. I love you because you keep dollar store umbrellas in your car to give to strangers caught in the rain. People often see your rough exterior before things like these - I love you for these unseen things & for your rough exterior.
I love you because you push the limits of decency & style every time you walk out the door. I love you because you challenge me to be more outrageous.
I love you because we’re femmes and I love you because you know how special that is.
I love you because you turn everything - from holidays to impromptu trips to New Orleans to random Tuesdays - into a celebration.
I love you because you’re adventurous.
I love you because you think, dream and love bigger than anyone else.
I love you because you’re brave & because you can be vulnerable with me.
I love you because you’re tough as shit & because you have an incredibly kind heart.
I love you because you make me think more & laugh harder & love more intensely than I thought possible.
I promise to consider you, your feelings & your happiness.
I promise not to take you for granted, to always remember what a wonder you are.
I promise that when we hear a loud noise in the middle of the night and you inevitably think it is most definitely the Zombie apocalypse I will try my best to not dismiss you immediately. Related, I promise that in the event of a zombie apocalypse I will follow whatever plan you have for our survival.
I promise to sing Hall & Oates with you, I promise to never throw away your glue guns and to try my best to always have glitter in the house.
I promise to be on your side.
I promise to play dress up with you, I promise to taste the cocktails you make up, I promise to cook epic meals with you, I promise to do photoshoots with you, I promise to have dance parties in our kitchen with you,
I promise to love you.
Enakai:
You taught me that I never have to settle, that I deserve everything sparkly and beautiful.
You’re the only person whose opinion of me matters, and you make me more compassionate, creative, and pretty in my never ending mission to impress you.
You’re the loud, trashy, gorgeous, smart and smartass girl of my dreams.
You’re my femme in shining nail polish.
You make me feel strong when I feel like I’m crumbling and I always feel safe and seen when I’m soft with you.
You fight, and your fight will always be my fight.
I will spend the rest of my life learning your mmms, your cupcake mmm, your complimentary bread basket mmm, and your hot mmm.
I promise to always keep a steady supply of bactine around, and when you fall I’ll clean the blood from your knees and palms gently and without laughing.
I will protect you from most bugs, and I’ll always be grateful when you kill spiders for me.
I look forward to being immature and old with you, making fun of young people and drinking when our doctors tell us not to.
I will fry anything for you on demand and without apology.
I will always go for you, and no matter how frightened the straight people who didn’t know who they were queer baiting are, I’ll back you up.
I will always be too much with you.
Then we held hands and promised to never wear anything our size or age appropriate, and were pronounced pervert and pervert before our family and friends.
Bonus picture:
Cake and pie for dayssss
the best wedding ever. you should sad you weren’t invited.
Reading this legitimately made me cry.
ugh. such a soft spot for queer femme love.
no such thing as too much femme love!
(via unqualitytime)
Call for Submissions: Anthology on Queer Xicana/o and Chicana/o Spiritualities ›
Deadline: May 31, 2013
Kórima Press
An Anthology on Queer Xicana/o and Chicana/o Spiritualities
Editor: José M. Aguilar-Hernández
Contact: submissions@korimapress.com
Website: queerspiritualities.com
Queer Xicana/o and Chicana/o identities are explored in various ways, extending from academic to artistic genres. This anthology will celebrate essay writing and poetry as ways to document Queer Xicana/o and Chicana/o experiences as they relate to spirituality.
We understand spirituality to have multiple meanings; therefore we do not confine “spirituality” to a particular definition, and welcome a broad understanding of the term/notion. We welcome submissions reflecting and/or imagining agnosticism, atheism, relationship(s) to organized religions, indigenous traditions, and other forms of spiritual expressions. Further, we encourage submissions from multiple gender and sexuality identities, including, but certainly not limited to, genderqueer, trans*, asexual, bisexual, pansexual, two-spirited, womanist, muxerista, joto, jota, jotería, lesbian, lesbiana, mariposa, and queer.
This anthology will build on existing literature related to Queer People of Color / Spirituality literary traditions, genres, and artifacts. This project specifically centers on Queer Xicana/o and Chicana/o Spiritualities as part of a larger Queer People of Color project to address the many gaps in literature that silence marginalized communities’ writings.
Guidelines for submissions are as follows:
Original work preferred. Previously published works will be considered on a case-by-case basis.
Essays: Preferably no longer than 2,500 words, double spaced, 12pt Times New Roman, in 1-inch margins. One Word document.
Poetry: No more than 10 pages, single spaced (exceptions for particular poem formatting), 12pt Times New Roman, in 1-inch margins. One Word document.
Mixed-genre: Mixed-genre (essay and poetry) submissions are allowed, both essays and poems interwoven, and shorter essays with poetry submissions. Please submit no more than 10 pages total.
Bio: Please submit a 300-word maximum bio in a separate Word document.
Please adhere to the following guidelines when e-mailing your submission:
1) In Subject Line write “LastName / Spiritualities Anthology”
2) Attach:
a. Submission document.
b. Bio document.
c. Author photo in jpg format.
If your submission is selected for publication, the editor will contact you via email. There is no financial payment attached to publication, however, you will be compensated with a free copy of the anthology once it is finalized.
About the Editor:
The son of immigrant parents from Zacatecas, México, José M. Aguilar-Hernández grew up in the Ventura County of California, where his parents worked as farmworkers. He is a PhD Candidate in Race and Ethnic Studies in the Social Sciences and Comparative Education Division of the Graduate School of Education and Information Studies at UCLA. His areas of study include Student of Color Activism, Critical Race Theory in Education, Spirituality, and His/Herstory where he looks at the intersections of sexuality, gender, class, race, and citizenship. Aguilar-Hernández is currently a Teaching Fellow in Chicana/o Studies at UCLA and has taught at California State University, Northridge and California State University, Los Angeles.
About Kórima Press:
Built on the Rarámuri tradition of sharing, Kórima Press is an independent publisher committed to Queer Ch/Xicana and Ch/Xicano literary art.
(via obscenepromqueen)
6 months ago on December 15, 2012 at 10:27pm with 55 notes
Via queeraztlan
Whiteness in the gay community is everywhere, from what we see, what we experience, and more importantly, what we desire. The power of whiteness, of course, derives from appearing to be nothing in particular (Lipsitz, 1998). That is, whiteness is powerful precisely because it is everywhere but nowhere in particular. When we see whiteness, we process it as if it doesn’t exist or that its existence is simply natural. We don’t see it precisely because we see it constantly. It blends into the background and then becomes erased from scrutiny. And this whiteness is imposed from both outside and inside of the gay community.
Gay Men of Color and the Racial
Politics of Exclusion” by Chong-suk Han (via uncensoredsupplement)
bayn:
Photographing the Loving Gays of Vietnam by Maika Elan
(HC) Dù bạn chấp nhận hay không thì cộng đồng ấy vẫn mặc nhiên tồn tại cùng với tình yêu của họ như một chân lý, không thể khác. Và một khi bạn kỳ thị sự khác biệt so với bản thân mình thì tự thân bạn đã hèn kém hơn họ rồi. Phải vậy không?
so much beauty
for being vietnamese; I couldn’t not reblog it..
so many feelings
(via fillingthespaces)
7 months ago on November 19, 2012 at 08:00am with 28,577 notes
Via Vice Magazine
Resources on being an ALLY
How to Be an Ally to LGBT People by UMass Amherst Stonewall Center
Be an Ally and a Friend by GLAAD
Resources for Allies by Safe Schools Coalition
Trans Ally Tips by UC Davis LGBT Resource Center
How to Be an Ally by the University of Utah
10 Things to Do as an Ally by PFLAG’s Straight for Equality
Guide to being a Straight Ally by PFLAG’s Straight for Equality
(via thosepeskydames)
- queer people don’t exist only for your shipping
- queer people don’t exist just so you can fap to the latest fic
- queer fetishizing is offensive to queer people because you’re dehumanizing them and using them as props to your shipping only
- queer-baiting is NOT QUEER REPRESENTATION and it’s offensive to actual queer people because it’s just two white het dudes dudes having imaginary sexual tension
- fandom doesn’t exist in a vacuum, it reflects society
- writers know the crazy fangirls love homoerotic subtext and they use that to lure in more of them but in reality they won’t do anything because heh heh those silly fangirls
- how about you actually support actual existing queer characters rather than white cis het dudes
- huh
- (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻
(via glamaphonic)
I think whoever decided to make queer an academic term should probably apologize to each and every queer person who has to put up with some cis het asshole who thinks because they’re kinky/poly/liberal they can use a slur.
8 months ago on October 13, 2012 at 11:43am with 45 notes
Via friendlyangryfeminist
Our Families: LGBT Latin@, African-American, and Asian & Pacific Islander Stories
This video features Latin@ families from Oregon, USA sharing their personal stories of struggle, acceptance, and family and the intersections between race/ethnicity, sexual orientation, and gender identity. To learn more about Our Families go to http://www.basicrights.org/ourfamilies/.This could be a good resource in terms of coming out, for those who haven’t come out yet, for those who just recently have come out, or even for those who have been out for a while. Sometimes, it’s just nice for you and/or your family to see that other people went through/are going through similar things and the series offers a range of experiences, not just what people want to see/hear which is nice.
This video is one part of a three part series. To see the others…
Our Families: LGBT African American Stories - http://youtu.be/m1AYIxGM_2g
Our Families: LGBT Asian and Pacific Islander Stories - http://youtu.be/OJMqIEBf2lY
(via obscenepromqueen)
LBGTQ* Children’s (Picture) Books To Keep On Your Radar
- Oh The Things Mommies Do! What Can Be Better Than Having Two? written by Crystal Tompkins; illustrations by Lindsey Evans (follow their tumblr HERE)
- The Boy Who Cried Fabulous written by Leslea Newman; illustrated by Peter Ferguson
- My Mommy Is A Boy written by Jason Martinez; illustrated by Karen Winchester (*book discussing gender)
- My Two Super Dads written by Bronny Falls and Munsta Vincent
- Pugdog written by Andrea U’Ren (*book discussing gender)
- The Baby Kangaroo Treasure Hunt, A gay parenting story written by Carmen Martinez Jover; illustrated by Rosemary Martinez
- My Princess Boy written by Cheryl Kilodavis ; illustrations by Suzanne DeSimone (*book discussing gender)
- Arwen and Her Two Daddies written by Jarko De Witte van Leeuwen (Translated from Dutch)
- Fairy Tales of the 21st Century written by Bill Carey (retelling of Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella)
- My Uncle’s Wedding written by Eric Ross; illustrations by Tracy K. Green
(via thosepeskydames)
If a group of seven or more queers hold hands, a rainbow ray of glitter will grant them access to the mystical queer wonderland on Pluto.
9 months ago on September 21, 2012 at 05:55pm with 367 notes
Via factsaboutqueers
“When my mind turns to consent, misogyny, how fucked up this fantasy is, I push those thoughts aside and remember how hot this makes me. We live in this society every day, breathing in misogyny and homophobia and gender policing with the very air. The least we can do is get off on it.”
- Gigi Frost, Housewife, in Say Please
(via mrsexsmith)
Kink Praxis: looking for ftm/cisgender man pairings in erotic stories? ›
As an erotica writer, I read erotica frequently, and have a rather sizeable collection of print anthologies in particular. On a forum I follow, someone requested resources for ftm/cisgender man pairings in erotica and visual porn. When I saw it, no one had posted about written erotica. So, I took the time to put together a rather lengthy response. I thought I would also share it with you. (If you have resources to add, feel free to comment; I’d be glad to hear about more stories.)
I write kinky queer erotic stories under the name Xan West, many of which feature trans and genderqueer characters. You can find my full list of stories by looking at my LJ profile page, but I will list some that may interest you here, before naming other sources for written erotica.For ftm/cisgender man pairings, my stories include:
-“Willing”, about a cisgender gay vampire who picks up an ftm boy in a bar, which is printed in the collections Leathermen; Blood Sacraments; and Men at Noon, Monsters at Midnight
-“Kneeling for Him”, about an ftm who picks up a top in a gay leatherbar in SF, which is printed in the collections In Plain View, and Bondage by the Bay
-“A Lesson about Gender”, about a genderqueer submissive reminscing about a cisgender man ze used to play with, which is printed in Pleasure BoundFor ftm/ftm pairings, my stories include:
-“Alley Obsession”, about two ftms doing cocksucking in an alley, printed in Got a Minute?
-“Nervous Boy”, about a first date between two ftms, printed in Love at First Sting
-“Missing Daddy” about an ftm/ftm bear/cub couple, printed in Daddies
-“A Large Full Meal”, about two transmasculine tops getting it on in a bathroom, printed in Salacious Magazine and the collection Cruising for Bad Boys
-“Strong”, from the POV of a transgender top playing with a genderfluid bottom, printed in Say Please(One thing I try to do is write erotica that is accessible to trans readers, where the descriptions do not jar us out of our bodies, so my other gay work may be of interest as well. My profile lists it.)
Now for other sources. I know print sources more than online ones for erotica, so I can tell you about that.
If you are interested in kink erotica, you may also want to read:
-Patrick Califia’s work, especially his collection Boy in the Middle (“Gender Queer”, “Boy in the Middle”, and “Who Casts the First Stone”); it also includes “Above All the Lights”, but I would not characterize that story as body positive—there is some intense self loathing for the intersex character. Also, his collection No Mercy (“Love Sees No Gender”).
-Carol Queen’s The Leather Daddy and the Femme (a series of vignettes about a genderqueer submissive who picks up a cisgender gay leatherman).
-You may also want to check out the recent collection Say Please, ed by Sinclair Sexsmith (in addition to my story, “Strong”, it has two other stories of trans/genderqueer pairings you might be interested in, “Black Hanky”, by Sassafras Lowrey, and “Feathers Have Weight” by Alysia Angel.)
-The collection Bi Guys includes a couple stories of note. (Patrick Califia’s story “Daddy’s Boy Meets Daddy’s Girl”, and “Switching” by S. Bear Bergman)
-“Puppy Slut” by Michelle Brennan has a cisgender gay man/genderqueer boy pairing. It was printed in Best Lesbian Erotica 2006.For a wider range of options that includes vanilla, I would recommend the following print sources:
Transgender collections:
-Tristan Taormino’s latest collection, Take Me There: Trans and Genderqueer Erotica
-there are also older out of print trans erotica collections that you may be able to get used: Transgender Erotica ed. by M. Christian, Best Transgender Erotica ed. by Hanne Blank and Raven Kaldera
-Circlet Press has printed a few sci fi trans and genderqueer erotica collections, some of which are still in print (Up for Grabs, Up for Grabs 2) and a favorite of mine that you may be able to get used (Genderflex).Gay collections:
While lesbian collections frequently include ftm/dyke and occasionally ftm/ftm pairings, gay collections include ftms much less frequently. My stories (and Patrick Califia’s on occasion) are often the only ones I see with trans characters in them. The only one I have found is Greg Wharton’s story, “Butterflies and Myths”, which appeared in Best Gay Erotica 2004. (Gay erotica collections are a lot more prolific, though so I may have missed some.)Lesbian collections:
You may also be interested in stories printed in lesbian collections, as they include ftm/ftm pairings. I would esp. recommend looking at Best Lesbian Erotica 2002 (“Johnny” by Alison L. Smith, and “The Word Nebraska” by Tennessee Jones) & Best Lesbian Erotica 2005 (“Fags Like Us” by Zane Jackson).
(cross posted to my LJ)
(via mrsexsmith)
9 months ago on September 18, 2012 at 05:54am with 10 notes
Via tgstonebutch
…what helps me move through this internalized shit, bit by bit, is knowing that, I think, for queers, make up is not only about correction and emphasis; it’s also about exaggeration, breakthroughs, and self indulgence. Exaggeration is about making things bigger and more prominent. Exaggeration takes up space. Breakthroughs come with the boldness to try things unthought of. And self indulgence is about treating ourselves well in a world that doesn’t pay us enough (money) nor treats us with all the respect we deserve. We are not always only interested in covering up certain parts of ourselves and then accentuating what we think are our assets. Queer make up isn’t always neat, natural, and pretty; it can also be trial-and-error, freaky, and totally unnatural. It’s like, I love blue and yellow, I should wear them all the fucking time, so why not put it on my fucking face??? And in queers’ fearlessness in pushing the boundaries of aesthetics, I am finally starting to feel like I can “come out” with my make up-obsessing self. In their confidence that is fueled by risky boldness, there is so much to appreciate and to take delight in.
- Make up, my bane and saviour by Teresa
go read the whole article! it’s amazing.
so excited this babe is coming to visit me TOMORRRRROW
(via garconniere)
YAAAAAAAASSSSSS
(via velvet-areola)(via obscenepromqueen)

